Relationship theories can help you improve your love life by giving you the keys to better understanding, conversation, and intimacy for a more satisfying and meaningful relationship.
What does relationship theory mean?
If we’re being honest, we’re about to get into the realm of pop psychology today.
If you’re skeptical, this might not be for you. But if you want to learn about some new and interesting ways to date and be with someone in the twenty-first century, you’ve come to the right place.
“Relationship theories” are basically ideas about how two people get together and make a relationship.
They talk about everything, like why we like certain people, how we act in a relationship, and what we really need from our partners to feel wanted and appreciated.
Are you interested? Keep reading, and we’ll talk about some of the most well-known claims about relationships.
- A fun and well-known part of pop psychology is relationship ideas.
- Some of the most well-known ideas are love languages, attachment theories, and love types.
- Do not forget that ideas about relationships are just that—theories!
Languages of love
Gary Chapman first wrote about the idea of love languages in his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
He wrote that each person has a “love language,” or a certain way they like to be treated and treat others in a relationship.
These are the five languages of love:
- We respect quality time with our partners more than anything else.
- Acts of service, which means we like doing things for our partners.
- Touch, which means we connect with our partner through touch
- We like to tell our partners how much we love them by giving them compliments.
- And gifts, which means we love getting our partner gifts!
He said that knowing your own love language and your partner’s love language can help you and your partner understand each other better. For example, someone whose love language is quality time might love nothing more than to have a deep talk with their partner over dinner.
On the other hand, someone whose love language is physical touch might be more interested in a long massage or some closeness between the sheets. This is what Chapman says: If we and our partner seem to want very different things, we can help ourselves and our relationship by learning their love language.
Attachment theory
John Bowlby, a psychologist, built on Sigmund Freud’s ideas to come up with the attachment theory.
Bowlby thought that how we act when we’re kids when we’re away from our parents—whether we cry, get scared and upset, or are just glad to be alone for a while—can affect how we act in close relationships as adults.
Safe connection.
As much as we don’t like being away from our partner for long periods of time, we’re usually fine with spending time by ourselves.
Attachment with anxious avoidance.
When we disagree with our partner, we might shut down and act like we don’t feel anything. To escape or lessen conflict, we can try to keep our feelings or bodies away from each other.
Attachment that makes you anxious.
We feel very safe when our partner is with us, and we might get scared or even jealous when they’re not with us. Sometimes we look to them for comfort or hope that having them in our lives can fix bigger problems.
Avoidant and afraid connection.
There are times when we want to be with our partner but are afraid of being hurt or having to face our feelings. If we feel like they’re too close, we push them away.
Attachment theory looks at some of the more serious parts of relationships, like how we feel when we’re by ourselves and how we handle disagreements.
We don’t think an online quiz can really tell us about these deeper parts of our personalities. But if this theory makes you think or sticks with you, talk to a close friend, your doctor, or a mental health expert.
The ‘love types’ theory
Helen Fisher is a biological anthropologist who has made a living by studying how and why people get attracted to each other, form relationships, and fall in love.
Through her study, she came up with the idea that everyone has one of four personality types.
These types affect how we date, how we work, and how we interact with our friends and family.
These are the four kinds of love.
The searcher.
People in this group are willing to take chances and love to think outside the box. They’re independent and like to try new things.
The person who built.
A builder is analytical, reasonable, and likes to follow steps. If someone is a builder, they might not be very creative, but you can count on them.
The lead actor.
This person is sure of themselves and may not seem too sensitive. Someone who is competitive and maybe even skeptical.
The one who talks.
Emotional intelligence is very high in a negotiator. They are sensitive, caring, and understanding.
People don’t have “good” or “bad” personalities. Instead, each type has traits that people of other types may like or not like. The way a negotiator acts could bother a director, but the way a tourist acts could be just what they want.
A building, on the other hand, might really value a negotiator’s dependability and regularity. These are just a few of the many thoughts about relationships that you can find. Remember that these thoughts are just that—thoughts.
We think some of them are interesting and useful. They are not true! You don’t need to change your whole life because of trendy psychology or the idea that you’re a good communicator with an anxious-avoidant attachment style and the love language of quality time.
These ideas are fun and interesting to think about, but don’t go too far with them. Everyone is unique, and they all date and fall in love in their own way. These are some of the most popular ones that interest us.
